Life-Giving Wounds

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The Hour Has Come: The Need for Pastoral Accompaniment of Newlyweds and Families — A Response to the Communio Study

Emily Rochelle

Die Ernte by Broncia Koller-Pinell (Künstler/in) - 1908 - Austrian Gallery Belvedere, Austria - CC BY-SA.

[Editor’s Note: “Communio is a nonprofit ministry that trains and equips churches to share the Gospel through the renewal of healthy relationships, marriages, and the family.” (https://communio.org/about/) In 2023, they published a Nationwide Study on Faith & Relationships. Life-Giving Wounds has asked a number of our blog contributors to provide their thoughts and reactions to their study because we found these stats “eye opening;” we encourage you to read the full study. If you would like to write your own response to the Communio study from the perspective of an adult child of divorce or separation, we are happy to work with you to publish it on our blog.]

If I were the Devil…

At the National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis, Monsignor James Shea, President of the University of Mary, spoke about an intriguing kind of an intellectual “game” called, “if I were the Devil.” The idea of the game is to strategize ways of destroying the Church, as if plotting from the perspective of the Devil much along the lines of C.S. Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters. Monsignor Shea concluded that the “Religion of the day”, or “Progressive religion,” was the Devil’s answer to destroying the Church. With the publication of the Communio study, we can also clearly say that divorce and the breakdown of the family is the Devil’s strategy for destroying the Church.

What is the Communio study and why does it matter?

Communio is a non-profit organization with the mission of evangelizing “through the renewal of healthy relationships, marriages, and the family.” [1] In the Fall of 2023, Communio president JP De Gance published a nationwide study on the connection between faith and relationships. The results of that study are a wake-up call to the Church and the reason that I am writing this piece. The twenty-three pages of the study concluded that the destruction and decline in healthy family life is directly responsible for destruction and decline within the life of the Church. Although it should come as no surprise that family life is important to the life and health of our parishes and faith communities, the fact is very few parishes, or diocese, are committed to implementing any consistent form of pastoral accompaniment to married, struggling, and divorced persons, as well as the children who come from broken families. 

Consider the following statistics presented in the study:

  • “The link between marriage and faith is clear, yet 85 percent of all churches in the United States report spending $0.00 annually on marriage and relationship ministry.” (p.3). Cf. 2019 Barna Group survey compiled on the State of Marriage and Relationship Ministry report.

  • “Over the last decade, less than half of all 17-year-olds reached their birthday with two, continuously married, biological parents in the home.” (p.4). Cf. Fagan, P. F. & Hadford, C. (2015, February 12). The fifth annual index of family belonging and rejection. Marriage and Religion Research Institute. 

While the Communio study presented even more research and statistics, this little glimpse makes it obvious that, as Jesus said, “the harvest is abundant but the laborers are few,” (Cf. Mathew 9:37-38). If ever there was a time to turn our eyes to the state of marriage, it is now. It is time to ask God for an abundance of pastoral workers and efforts.

Well aware that marriage and family ministry is a ripe field for the harvest, in 2021 the USCCB published a 57-page framework for marriage and family life as well as Marriage and Family Life Inventories for the parish and diocese to assist in prayerfully developing a pastoral plan of action. These and other initiatives, such as the Catholic Marriage Fund, are encouraging signs that the Holy Spirit wants to provide many graces to help strengthen marriage and family ministry in our times. Two examples of pastoral initiatives funded by the Catholic Marriage Fund are the Grace Marriage events hosted in the Diocese of Owensboro, Kentucky, and the support ministries offered in the Diocese of Wichita, Kansas (including Life-Giving Wounds).

A cry that must be heard

I am writing from a deep place in my heart that is crying out, pleading to be heard, like the persistent widow who cries out until justice is hers. (Cf. Luke 18:1-8). If I could make my voice as loud as thunder, I would cry out to every bishop, priest, deacon, and lay pastoral leader to consider if they are doing what is necessary to accompany the newly married, the divorced, and the children from broken families. Are we accompanying people or are we abandoning them as soon as they walk through the door, complete the program, or get their certificate? The Church needs a pastoral plan that stops treating certain sacraments (including marriage) as something we merely prepare for, while forgetting or neglecting to accompany the person who receives the sacrament and is now called to live a new life. 

Please God, may we be given wisdom to know how to accompany others moving forward. That is where real fellowship and communion begin. That is how we nurture the body of Christ and help the Church to grow. The time has come for the Church to walk with the wounded and build up stronger foundations, to restore families and repair what has been broken. (Cf. Isaiah 58:12) My hope is that every person who reads this will be convicted that God is calling him or her to respond to the needs of our times. Whatever way the Holy Spirit inspires, whatever creativity is brought forward will be a great gift to us all.

Answering the Call

This piece is meant to be a conversation starter, a spark that lights a fire. If you are reading this, ask the Lord how He might be calling you and see what He inspires within your own heart. Remember, the Church was founded on the twelve apostles chosen by Christ. Do you have six couples in your parish who might have a heart to minister to others and help strengthen marriage and family? Do you have twelve adults who would be willing to pray for the healing of the broken-hearted? Do you have twelve days on your parish calendar that you can devote to monthly marriage enrichment or divorce support? We can start small, but start, we must. 

I am convinced that God wants to answer the cry of His people. I am convinced that God will answer our prayer for more laborers in the harvest. I firmly believe that our efforts will be fruitful and we can do much to renew the Church by focusing on accompaniment and healing within families and in the home. The hour has come to answer the call. You just might be the laborer the Lord is sending forth into the field. 

Footnotes

  1. About. Communio. (2024, January 26). https://communio.org/about/   

About the Author:

Emily Rochelle graduated from Franciscan University of Steubenville with a Master’s in Catechesis and Evangelization in 2021. Having experienced her parents’ divorce while she was in elementary school, Emily has a heart of compassion for those who suffer and a deep desire to bring the healing love of Christ into people’s lives. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband.

Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals:

  1. Where do I notice the greatest need for accompaniment in my parish or faith community?

  2. What gifts and experiences do I have that might contribute to the building up of others in their faith journey? Is there a way God might be calling me to serve?

  3. What opportunities are available or already exist that help minister to the various needs of families?

  4. Have you experienced personal accompaniment through spiritual direction, support groups, retreats, or other ministries? What has that experience been like for you?

Additional Resources

Here are some examples of the good work being done to build up and strengthen marriages in the U.S. (the list is shared as a resource for readers, and not meant as an official endorsement):