Forgiveness, Justice and Salvation
Photograph of Saint Maria Goretti from early 1902. She is the Patron Saint of forgiveness and mercy.
Attribution: http://www.famigliacristiana.it/, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
TL;DR - Forgiveness can be felt, it does bring about justice, and has resurrection power in our life and the lives of those who hurt us.
Among the ideals given by Christ to his followers, forgiveness is one that can be the most difficult. The difficulty of the disciple’s tasks of letting go of one’s riches, admitting one's will to an all-knowing and all-powerful God, or subjecting our opinions to a set of truths all pale in comparison to the strength it takes to forgive someone who has hurt us. And I don’t mean just hurt in a one-time only, no major consequences sort of way, but forgiving an action that hurt us deeply and that we uncover the effects of that wound for the rest of our lives.
I have continuously struggled with the difficulty of forgiveness, especially forgiving my parents. My parents first divorced when I was three years old, and continued on to have other marriages and divorces. Some of the adults who entered my life were violent and abusive. I struggled to forgive, and forgive again, and forgive again. This frustrated me. I already forgave them once; why am I having to go through this process all over again? Did it not work the first time? Was I not authentic? Is my forgiveness impure? I often wanted to give up on the process of forgiveness completely. It was through lots of prayer and journeying with the Lord that I learned we often end up having to forgive one offense more than one time, as often as we discover new ways that it hurts us. This gave me a whole new understanding of Jesus' words to the disciples “I tell you to forgive not only seven times but seventy times seven times” (Matt 18:22).
I read, prayed, talked with professionals, and learned a lot about forgiveness. I also continued to draw the conclusion that forgiveness was simply an action of the will and only rarely felt emotionally. This answer did not satisfy me. How could something that is so good for us, as well as for our souls, our families, and our relationships, be so difficult? Or is there something that I’m missing from this process of forgiveness, something that would help what I desire to do in my mind also travel to the feelings in my heart? I brought this to the Lord in prayer and continued to search.
In particular, one obstacle was that I didn’t like the thought of the person who hurt me joining me in heaven because of my memories of the pain they had caused. However, I realized that the person that I know who hurt me on this earth will not be the same in heaven. All of the woundedness that they passed on to me will no longer be with them. They will be transformed by God's grace. What a consoling and powerful image!
However, even with this insight, I still struggled with how forgiveness would help satiate the feelings of anger and resentment I had towards the people who hurt me. I continued to give those feelings to the Lord, but struggled with my feelings of justice towards that person. Doesn’t God say “vengeance is mine, I will repay”? (Rom 12:19) Will the other person ever truly know how much they hurt me and the pain and havoc it has caused?
I’m not sure what talk it was or what resource I listened to, but there was one moment in particular that helped this transformation in my understanding of what forgiveness can be. It discussed entrusting the person who hurt us to the love of God, the life-changing, transformative and purifying love of God.
Conversion is hard. Turning from a sinful lifestyle is hard. Looking at our sinfulness and repenting of it in true and sincere conversion is hard. For that to happen, in all of our lives, it takes an act of God’s grace. Repentance can be very uncomfortable, to say the least. Why would we not desire this grace for the people who have hurt us? When we forgive those who have hurt us, we are saying that we wish God's grace upon them and resolve not to hold their offenses against them. But if you think about it, what we are asking is for God to purge them of all of those things that have hurt us: the attitudes, bad habits, neglect, painful words, oversight, and so forth. Whatever it was, the Lord will purify them of that weakness in the fire of His grace. Justice accompanies mercy in restoring grace in a way more powerful than before.
I’m also led to contemplate Jesus’ words on the Cross, “Father, forgive them…” (Lk 23:34). I know that His death conquered sin and death, and that the Resurrection made this triumph possible for us too, but could it be that it was His forgiveness that was the thing that conquered our spiritual death? Could it be that Jesus’ forgiveness of his tormentors made it possible for us to approach Him in a real and deep relationship? I’ve known that forgiveness is not weakness (it is way too hard to be a weakness) but maybe it is more than just a moral strength. What if forgiveness is a power, a sin and death conquering, resurrection power? Wasn’t it after Christ forgave on the Cross that the thief was brought to repentance? We know that suffering is a powerful way to share in Christ’s redemptive work, so maybe forgiveness is the power of Christ’s redemptive love which we offer to others. It’s so powerful, it’s resurrection powerful!
So, when we pray to forgive those that have hurt us, whether it’s the first time we are forgiving them or the seventy-seventh time we have forgiven them for the same offense, let us ask the Lord for the forgiveness powerful enough to conquer sin and death in our loved one. Let us place them in the heart of the Trinity, where the all-consuming, all-purifying love of God will wash them and leave them the beautiful, loving, amazing people that God intended them to be.
About the Author:
Sister Philomena Marie is a pseudonym for an ACOD who is a religious Sister. She has known since she was a little girl that God was going to bring powerful grace from the suffering of her parents’ divorce and the brokenness of her family. She clings to her identity as a beautiful, cherished and loved child of God, and loves sharing this message with her students in the classroom, and her brothers and sisters in Christ who also come from broken homes. She also loves gardening, reading and music.
Intercessory Prayer:
Saint Maria Goretti, patroness of forgiveness, ora pro nobis.
Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals
How do you work through forgiveness? How do you work through forgiving your parents?
Like Sister Philomena Marie, have you “realized that the person that I know who hurt me on this earth will not be the same in heaven[?]”
What if forgiveness is a power, a sin and death conquering, resurrection power?