Meditation on the Presentation of Our Lord

The story of the Presentation of Jesus, as found in the Gospel of Luke Chapter 2, has always been one of my favorites, and has held a special place in my spiritual life as an adult child of divorce. When our parents are divorced, separated, or in a difficult marriage, the struggles in their relationship become the dominant force in the house. … In this beautiful mystery of the Presentation, let us look at the Holy Family, and allow them to teach us and heal us in those places in need of the Lord’s light.

The Text Message That Saved My Life: Finding Healing as an Adult Child of Divorce

This article is my life-saving text to you; it is my personal invitation to any adult child of divorce or separation to start (or continue) your own healing journey with Life-Giving Wounds.

Honor your father...carefully

My parents officially divorced when I was about 17 years old. My father persistently campaigned for a divorce. He confessed that he had been in a relationship with another woman whom he had actually married while on his “vacations” in Egypt. Since I was the eldest of three, my mother would share her pain with me. To this day, being the main witness to her inconsolable weeping is one of the most painful experiences I have had as a 41-year-old man.

An ACOD’s perspective on music, healing, and dealing with depression through two Rick Springfield concerts

This past Christmas, like many others before it, was hard. My “difficult” father tends to “act-out” during the holidays to get the attention he craves, and this Christmas was no exception. So, my therapist suggested I do some restorative care to help heal my immediate father wound, and to help me manage my long-term depression: what Rick Springfield calls, “Mr. D.”

I Am Your Father, Too

Though I hid, self-protected and continued to wear the masks that I thought gave me some value, Jesus never stopped seeking the real me underneath. He never abandoned me. All the while, He was patiently working on me, preparing my very calloused and guarded heart to be broken again through the second loss of my dad. But this break would be healing and redemptive, because it would finally let Love Himself enter in. And He came in through another father, His father and now mine – Good St. Joseph. I truly believe everything started with my simple prayer after that providential homily. St. Joseph became the guardian of my healing journey and continues to be my strong and faithful pillar along the way, in both explicit and sometimes hidden ways.

Church Teaching on Being a Child of an Irregular Situation

Every human soul is of more value than the entire universe put together, and each person is created in the image and likeness of God. No human being can escape the loving gaze of God, no matter what the circumstances of his or her origin. No Catholic, and no person, should ever deem oneself of lesser value if he or she comes from an “irregular” situation, for God sees all, knows all, loves all, and desires to save all (1 Timothy 2:3-4).

St. Josephine Bakhita: A Model of Living in Freedom

I desire to make decisions from a place of authentic love and not respond from the wounds of my past and present. Wounds that make me feel trapped—make me feel like I do not have a choice in the matter— with no control. For this reason, when I first heard about St. Josephine Bakhita, I was drawn to her: a woman who was kidnapped as a child, sold into slavery, and ultimately lived in the freedom of the Lord’s love as a religious sister.

Insight’s from Attachment Theory for Adult Children of Divorce: Series summary

Insights from Attachment Theory for Adult Children of Divorce, is a four-part series by Life-Giving Wounds alumna Emily Rochelle which introduces the key concepts of Attachment Theory, explores the relationship between attachment security and mental health, looks at how attachment is rooted in neurobiology, and how attachment impacts one’s relationship with God.

PsychologyEmily RochelleJanuary 28, 2024Life-Giving Woundsmental health, PsychologyComment

Insights from Attachment Theory for Adult Children of Divorce (Part 4: Attachment to God)

Throughout Scripture, the images and language used to describe God frequently evoke two of the strongest attachment relationships that we can know as human beings—the relationship between a child and a parent, and the relationship between spouses.

Dealing with Financial Uncertainty as an ACOD: My Experience in Going From Striving to Thriving

If your parents divorced when you were an adult, like mine did, you may have experienced strife over paying for a wedding or a car. For me, my parents fought over who paid for what while I was in law school, including the cost of the postage stamp used to mail my monthly check! My parents’ contention over petty things affected my image of God the Father, who cannot be outdone in generosity (see Matthew 19:29). If my parents argued over who paid an extra few pennies to help support me, I certainly could not rely on them to provide anything, including financially.

Beautiful Moments

I thought that if I just sat down and listed all the things I ‘should’ be grateful for in my life that I would then become a person filled with gratitude. I saw this exercise as the ‘fix’ for my pain and struggles. All the people I read about who had done this seemed so happy and peaceful. I wanted that for myself! My experience in life, largely shaped by my parents divorce, had taught me (incorrectly) that if I wanted something I had to get it for myself. So I went for it, only to be disappointed again and again.

2023: Year in Review (with pictures!)

Join us on a look-back at the blessings of 2023! Retreats, new chapters, the generosity of so many to help Life-Giving Wounds grow….plus a gallery of images from the year!

Recaps, Ministry UpdatesBethany MeolaDecember 30, 2023retreat, year in reviewComment

Personal Vocation, Personal Healing

Upon entering religious life, I tried to hide in the coping mechanisms that had worked for me growing up, such as people-pleasing and anticipating others’ needs. I desired to please the Lord, could follow community customs and was good at serving others. Not only was I good, but was praised for my attentiveness to the needs of others and my generosity in service. As I continued further in formation, those coping mechanisms started to unravel and the truth of the pain I was in surfaced.

Scenes of My Life in Five Dogs

Prior to the divorce, mine was a picture-perfect nuclear family: a dad, a mom, a little boy, and his dog. The dog, a Cockapoo, was named after my kindergarten best friend, Shawn. I don’t remember anything about the young human Shawn, but I do remember the canine one. He was the love of my young life, especially after we moved when I was six. I did not like being “the new kid.”

Jesus Makes Us Whole

I have heard divorce described as an “ontological wound,” a wound at the very core of our identity. Our parents who created us divide, and so we in turn feel divided. This is certainly strong language, but I think it puts a finger on the intimate and vulnerable wound experienced by adult children of divorce. The pain of the wound can lead us to cry out to God for healing.

Spend time with the Holy Family this Advent and Christmas

The only thing I can really control is my own internal, spiritual life (although I admit even that seems out of control at times!). Right now, I want to do that by spending more time with the most perfect of families! The best part is that I know I am called to be a part of this perfect, intact family! I think that spending time with the Holy Family will keep me focused and restful.

First-Person, AdviceStephanie GulyaNovember 26, 2023Life-Giving WoungsHoly Family, holidays, spiritual lifeComment

10 Practical Tips for Preparing for Upcoming, Difficult Family Events

What if my mom brings her new boyfriend to Thanksgiving when dad is there? What if I start feeling sad and my much younger sister who did not experience the family divorce the way I did, tells me again to knock it off and just enjoy myself? What if my brother, who is not speaking to dad since he left the family, stomps off to his room? Why can’t we just have Christmas together like we used to?

AdviceLeeAnne AbelNovember 19, 2023Life-Giving Woundsholidays, St. Eugene de MazenodComment

KNOWN

It was a few months into my freshman year of college; I was at daily Mass with my friends. At this time, I was really beginning to become aware of how much pain my parents’ divorce had caused and continued to cause me. I remember sitting in Mass, attempting to calm myself, but feeling rising panic each time the priest said the word...

Healing JourneyStephanie GulyaNovember 12, 2023Life-Giving Woundsfather relationship, God the Father, Grace, vulnerability, St. JosephComment

What’s in a name?

From day one it seemed like my parents were divided over my name. Well at least my first name because both of them shared the same last name before marriage. Each parent wanted me to be named after their dad. As a result, one side of the family calls me David and the other Andrew. By the time I was four, this division was complete and definitive by way of their divorce. As most children of divorce, I certainly felt divided and split in two; exemplified by my two different beds, two different sets of clothes, two different sets of toys and two different first names.

The Other Side of Forgiveness

During Covid some people learned to bake bread, some planted gardens, others drank too much wine. My Covid experience was time with Father God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, fully aware that they were changing me. I became like the unrelenting child who asks too many questions. But my unrelenting was a prayer, “Heal my heart, Lord. Please heal my heart.” He did it when he knew I was ready.

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