Believe His Voice
“Live in the depths of your soul! My master makes me understand very clearly that he wants to create marvelous things there: you are called to render homage to the simplicity of the divine being and to magnify the power of his love. Believe his voice.”
-St. Elizabeth of the Trinity (emphasis added)
I absolutely love the last line of the quote above: Believe his voice. Sometimes I feel like I walk around in life on the verge of insanity. If someone could see into my mind, they might consider me a tad unstable. There seem to be so many voices in my head! I wonder, especially in times of crisis, how I am to move forward with all the noise. Of course, I want to believe His voice alone, but in moments of pain and agony, that seems like a near impossible task.
I am fairly convinced we all walk around with these myriad voices (some of us are simply more aware than others). Art Bennet wrote a blog post for Life-Giving Wounds called “Integrating Your Inner Critic.” Throughout the post, Art addresses this idea of having what he calls the “uninvited voice in your head” and offers a path forward through compassion and mercy. In addition to making me feel a little less insane by acknowledging I am not the only one with this crazy inner dialogue, the post reminded me of an insight I had almost a year ago while attending an online healing retreat: healing is about Love and how Love calls home all the broken pieces of our hearts so we can be made whole.
All during that retreat, I felt led to go back to certain moments of brokenness in my life and welcome home those parts of myself which I had placed in exile. It was much like the return of the prodigal son. I found myself waiting at the door with the Father, watching expectantly across the fields, waiting to run and welcome back parts of myself, and rejoicing in their return.
When I think back to the moment of my parents’ divorce when I was two years old, a feeling more than a concrete memory stands out most clearly. Danny Gokey described it well in his song “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again”:
You’re shattered like you’ve never been before,
The life you knew in a thousand pieces on the floor.
It’s as if there is a moment before my parents split in which my heart is still intact and surrounded by the safety of their union (however stressed or imperfect that union may have been) and then there is the moment after, in which everything about my life has been shattered.
The inner critic mentioned in Art’s blog post is directly tied to these shattered pieces. And they aren’t just shattered pieces of my life, but of my heart, my very self. They have become, with some help from the devil and my fallen human nature, the voices of conflict and disunity that plague my thought life. I have come to realize that although the devil starts out whispering these lies, over time, his litany of lies has become tied to my own inner voices. It’s almost as if he no longer needs to actively whisper in my ear because the broken pieces of myself have believed the lies long enough that I do it for him. Even my own mind has become an enemy at times.
The journey I am on to bring home these shattered pieces of my heart has many ups and downs. But I can honestly say that as the broken pieces are slowly brought home, the voices lessen in number and urgency. I am better able to hear the voice of the Good Shepherd (see John 10:1-18). Even more importantly, little by little, I am coming to not simply hear His voice, but believe His voice. So now, even when I feel like curling up in the corner and rocking back and forth because the voices are strong today, the more I choose to trust, the more I am able to ride the waves of confusion and panic. The voice of Truth is becoming louder and stronger than all the others. Over and over again, when the false voices threaten to take over, I remember the words of the Casting Crowns song “Voice of Truth”, and I choose to “Believe His voice.”
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
And so, I am continually led back to the truth that healing means integration, wholeness, welcoming home the shattered parts of myself so that all of me can be bathed in Love and Mercy, all the parts coming home to be made whole. The image that comes to me often in prayer as the Lord leads me along this healing journey is one of a mosaic. I come to the Lord with the shattered pieces of my life, like a little child bringing the pieces of a broken household vase or item to her father, and I ask Him to help. Little by little, I watch as He takes the broken pieces and puts them in a mosaic He is building on the wall. Although I am too close up to see how all the pieces will go together, I try my best to trust the plan of the Divine Artist. Some days that act of trust feels easy, others I feel like I am clinging to it for dear life. Whether the moment feels easy or difficult, I try to remember: mosaics look strange and broken from up close. In order to see their full beauty, a wider view is required. For now, I am called to believe the voice of my Good Father, who asks me to trust Him, step by step, because He sees the fullness of the beautiful mosaic He is building.
Intercessory Prayer:
St. Elizabeth of the Trinity, patron of the loss of parents, please pray for our relationship with our parents and for their salvation.
About the author:
Stephanie is a wife and mother of three boys. She and her family live in Pennsylvania. Her husband works for their local parish and she homeschools their boys. According to her eight year old, she enjoys reading, napping and watching The Chosen.
Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals:
With all the noise of life, how do you move forward? What voice do you follow?
What parts of the brokenness in your life have you placed in exile? Would you like to go back to them and welcome them home?
Take a step back in the inner part of your mind and imagine your life as a mosaic. What picture do you see the Divine Artist creating so far?